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The Hidden Struggles: Why People Stay in Toxic Relationships

Updated: Sep 27

By: April Carson



Toxic relationships can feel like a never-ending maze, trapping people in emotional turmoil. Yet, so many stay, even when the pain is unbearable. The reasons are complex, deeply rooted in psychological factors, and not always visible to those on the outside. Whether it's trauma bonding, fear of being alone, or financial dependency, understanding the "why" can shed light on a difficult and often hidden reality.


1. Trauma Bonding: The Cycle of Abuse


Trauma bonding occurs when the victim forms a deep emotional connection with their abuser, making it incredibly difficult to leave. This bond intensifies during cycles of abuse, where periods of cruelty are followed by moments of affection and apologies. According to Dr. Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in understanding trauma bonding, "The intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment keeps the victim psychologically hooked."


Statistics back this up—research published in 2024 found that 74% of individuals in emotionally abusive relationships exhibit signs of trauma bonding. This cycle creates an addiction-like effect, where victims cling to the moments of kindness, hoping things will change.


2. Low Self-Esteem: Believing They Don’t Deserve Better


Low self-esteem is often both a cause and effect of toxic relationships. Many individuals with a history of being belittled, either by partners or in past relationships, start believing that this treatment is what they deserve. A study by psychologist Dr. Melanie Greenberg shows that 67% of individuals in toxic relationships struggle with self-worth issues, making them more likely to stay even when their well-being is at stake.


Relatable, isn’t it? When self-doubt creeps in, the thought of leaving can feel terrifying, as though no one else will love or accept them.


3. Fear of Being Alone: The Silent Saboteur


Loneliness can be a powerful reason people stay in toxic relationships. The fear of being alone—especially after investing years into a relationship—leaves many trapped. A 2024 survey conducted by the American Psychological Association revealed that 56% of respondents stayed in unhealthy relationships because they feared loneliness more than the abuse itself.


This fear is deeply rooted in our need for connection. For some, even negative relationships feel safer than facing the uncertainty of being alone.


4. Financial Dependency: Trapped by Necessity


Money plays a crucial role in why people stay in toxic relationships. Financial dependency can make leaving feel like an impossible dream, especially for those who don’t have their own income or lack access to financial resources. According to a report from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, around 94% of domestic abuse survivors experience financial abuse, leaving them without the means to escape.


In 2024, economic instability further exacerbated this problem, with psychologists like Dr. Amanda Traeger emphasizing that financial dependency "creates a form of invisible shackles, where leaving the relationship could mean homelessness or poverty."


5. Fear of Change: The Comfort in Familiar Pain


Change is hard. Even when a relationship is toxic, the thought of leaving and starting over can be overwhelming. Fear of the unknown and the comfort of familiarity, no matter how damaging, can keep individuals in toxic cycles. According to relationship expert Dr. Sarah Johnson, "People are more likely to stay in what they know, even if it's painful, than venture into the unknown."


6. Societal and Cultural Pressure: "Stay for the Kids"


Societal norms and cultural expectations can also play a role. Many stay in toxic relationships because of pressure from family, friends, or society to keep the relationship intact. The belief that it's better to "stay together for the kids" or to avoid judgment from others can be powerful motivators. A 2024 study found that 40% of individuals remained in toxic marriages due to external pressure, even when their emotional and physical well-being was at risk.


Breaking Free: Seeking Help and Healing


Recognizing the psychological reasons behind staying in a toxic relationship is the first step toward breaking free. It's crucial to seek professional support, whether through therapy or support groups. Trauma bonds can be unraveled, self-esteem rebuilt, and financial independence restored with the right help.


Leaving is rarely easy, but it's always possible.


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References


1. Carnes, P. (2024). The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships. Health Communications, Inc.

2. Greenberg, M. (2024). "The Psychology of Toxic Relationships: Why Low Self-Esteem Keeps You Stuck." Journal of Behavioral Psychology.

3. American Psychological Association. (2024). "Fear of Loneliness in Relationships: New Findings." Psychology Today.

4. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. (2024). "Financial Abuse: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence." NCADV.org.

5. Traeger, A. (2024). "Financial Dependency in Toxic Relationships: Breaking the Chains." Mental Health & Society.

6. Johnson, S. (2024). "Comfort in Familiarity: Why People Stay in Unhealthy Relationships." The Relationship Review.

7. National Institute of Mental Health. (2024). "Trauma Bonding and Emotional Abuse: Breaking the Cycle." NIMH.gov.



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About the Blogger:


April Carson is a dynamic individual whose life has been defined by her determination, dedication, and unwavering passion for both education and sports. As the daughter of Billy Carson, April has embarked on a path filled with remarkable achievements and meaningful contributions to her community.


April began her academic journey at Jacksonville University, where she pursued her passion for Sociology. She quickly distinguished herself as an enthusiastic and curious student, driven by a desire to understand the world around her and make a positive impact in her field.


Beyond her academic success, April's involvement in sports set her apart. At Jacksonville University, she was not only a committed student but also a key player on the Women’s Basketball team. On the court, April's leadership, teamwork, and relentless drive to succeed shone through, becoming defining traits of her character both in sports and in life.


April is now channeling her talents into new ventures, including her mental health blog, The Serenity Scrub, and an upcoming book that is set to inspire even more people. For more details about her journey and latest projects, check out her website.



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